The Quietest Elephant in the Boardroom: Why Ignoring Emotion Costs Performance

On paper, we looked great. Targets met. The board satisfied. A management team performing well.

But beneath the surface, something was missing. Our bi-weekly meetings felt like going through the mandatory motions. People attended, yet weren’t fully there. Some answered emails. Others stayed quiet, careful, polite.

We were co-existing, not co-creating. Functioning, but not connecting.

The real potential — and the real emotions — were hidden under the surface. Unspoken tensions simmered between a few managers, creating friction the rest of us didn’t even see. We were losing energy to what wasn’t said.

And then, it became clear to me: we were performing leadership instead of living it. Something had to change.

Choosing to Go Deeper

The change didn’t start with a new strategy or reorganisation.

It began with a decision: to truly get to know ourselves and one another — beyond our functions and titles.

We launched a leadership programme: 1:1 coaching sessions, work with the Enneagram, and two two-day leadership offsites.

There was no rigid agenda. No top-down control. Only trust — in the process and in each other.

During the first offsite, something extraordinary happened.

One of the most reserved managers shared a deep personal insight from the Enneagram work.

His openness touched everyone in the room.

For a moment, silence. Then, tears. It was as if everyone exhaled.

You could feel the walls dissolve — replaced by something raw, gentle, and profoundly human.

In that moment, I realised: when emotions enter the room, trust follows.

And once trust is present, everything else becomes possible.

From Masks to Momentum

What followed was transformation — quiet but powerful.

The simmering conflicts between a few managers were resolved. The air in the room changed.

People started listening — not just waiting for their turn to speak.

Support replaced defensiveness.

Ideas flowed freely across departments.

Decisions became faster and more grounded.

Energy that had been spent maintaining the façade now fuelled co-creation.

That energy flowed into collaboration — fueling results, innovation, and growth.

And work really became flow.

The Science of Feeling

As neuroscientist António Damasio reminds us:

“We think we’re rational beings who sometimes feel — but in truth, we’re feeling beings who think.”

In most organisations, emotions are still seen as distractions — or worse, as *out of place in the workplace.*

But when emotions are not welcomed, they don’t disappear.

They simply go underground, shaping every decision in silence.

When we acknowledge them, they become powerful allies — the foundation of psychological safety, the quiet catalyst of trust, innovation, and performance.

When we lead from this realisation, we build trust and performance together.

Perhaps the real work of leadership begins when we stop performing — and start connecting.

— Christel